So whose day is it any way?

Being a wedding photographer and also a bride to be I spend a lot of time reading posts in wedding groups and a lot of posts are similar. But one thing that I see time and time again are posts that question if they are being a bridezilla for wanting things their way on their special day or wondering why others aren’t as excited as them about their big day. 

So whose day is it anyway? 

It’s yours and you get decide what priorities there are for the day, as long as you don’t ignore the basic comfort of others and don’t make unreasonable demands then you can have whatever you like. The day can be all about you and your other half, with your favourite colours or themes and food/entertainment of your choice. Or it can be about your family, bringing 2 families together, making your children a part of the day, having the people that mean the most to you share your day. Then again it can be about marrying in time for someone special to watch before they pass or are too unwell to be there. And, as many people feel during wedding planning, it can be about the 2 of you eloping somewhere and just getting married. 

None of these are wrong and none are right but all come with a possible downside. If you want a destination wedding be prepared for people you want to be there to not be able to afford it, however much notice you give them, you may be able to save up but you don’t know their circumstances. Want achildfree wedding? Go ahead, please don’t get upset when some guests won’t/can’t leave their children, that is their choice as much as a child free wedding is yours. Having your wedding your way? Then you can’t complain when no-one else appears to be interested, it is after all your day and not theirs. Marrying in a hurry to ensure someone is there means that you will compromise somewhere on the things that you want because of time/money constraints.  

Whatever way you to choose to go, OWN IT, it’s your wedding and your choice. Acknowledge that your choices may impact others but stick to your guns. Be firm but polite “I’m sad that you can’t afford to join us in Mexico as I’d love to have you there but I understand”, “I understand you can’t find a sitter for your children, it’s a shame you  can’t be with us, but we want an adult only environment”, “ I’m sorry that you feel you need alcohol to enjoy yourself but a tee-total wedding is important to us” 

It’s your day and you don’t want to have any regrets. Decide on what is important to both of you and make those things happen, choose what you’re happy to negotiate on and how far you will go. Agree what would be nice extras but won’t impact on the day as a whole. Once you have done that you are in better place to ensure you get the day that you want without losing friends and family on the way.  

Have your day, enjoy your day and make it memorable.